


If I Lose You

by Paintbrushyy_Ducky98



Series: A Beautiful Mind [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Action, Angst too, Blood, Book 2 is here, Established Relationship, Gore, Graphic Violence, M/M, Mutant Oikawa, Running, Series, Sickness, Soldier AU, Soldier Iwaizumi, Some Sex, Telekinesis, Traveling, different cultures, iwaoi fluff, mutant AU, now, part of a series, superhero au, telekinesis au, they go to africa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-13 16:52:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paintbrushyy_Ducky98/pseuds/Paintbrushyy_Ducky98
Summary: After the events of their escape, Oikawa and Iwaizumi take refuge in America. Yachi tells them they're safe- the only question is for how long. Will they escape the Japanese government, or will their past come back to kill them?





	1. The Moment Before You Die

**Author's Note:**

> BOOK 2 IS HERE!!!! AHHHHHHHHH
> 
> This first chapter is sort of a Prologue to the rest of the book, but because of AO3's formatting, it's chapter 1. Enjoy! more to come later!!!

_The moment before you die, you feel everything all at once, sadness, terror, desperation, regret all engulf your heart and then it’s gone, there’s nothing and you die. The world falls into an agitated silence and then empties out in a bloody rage of screams that ring into empty holes in your head, you die in silence as the rest of the world screams on._

“Tooru,” Iwaizumi’s voice springs Oikawa’s heart into his throat, but he swallows it back as he looks up.

“Iwa- I was- Hi.” He tries to sound cheerful like his soul hasn’t been trembling for the past hour and a half.

“What are you reading?” He asks and approaches.

Iwaizumi stands behind Oikawa, sliding his hands over his chest. He can feel his heart pound.

“About death.” Oikawa doesn’t lie, and he wishes he had but also doesn’t.

“Oh- why?” Is all Iwaizumi asks, but he worries, that Oikawa still feels pain somewhere he can’t see, somewhere he can’t touch or kiss or heal.

“I came so close so many times, and you did too, I thought maybe this was a dream, maybe when I found the book it was me trying to wake myself up, or tell myself I’m dead.” Oikawa’s hand finds Iwaizumi’s on his shoulder and squeezes the fingers.

“Oikawa look at me.” Iwaizumi moves in front of him and crouches down. Oikawa looks away from the book and into Iwaizumi’s eyes, sees them shake as his words lift up to his ears.

“Count your fingers.” He tells him, and Oikawa rolls his eyes.

“Count them, out loud.” He repeats and his eyes are firm, serious. Oikawa does as he says, holding out his hand and touching each finger as he counts.

“One, Two, Three-” He looks past his fingers to Iwaizumi who only nods him forwards.

“Four- Five.” He finishes with his thumb and places his hand back on top of the book pages.

“Five fingers, in dreams you only have 4, you don’t have thumbs because you don’t have control.” Iwaizumi says and Oikawa opens his mouth to say something but is cut off as Iwaizumi continues.

“Where did we escape from?” He asks.

“Japan,” Oikawa responds, he doesn’t look away from Iwaizumi’s eyes, his deep green seas that hold him breathless in his words.

“And where do we live now?” Iwaizumi aks.

“New York City, in America.” Oikawa crinkles the corner of a page.

“Who are you?” He continues.

“John-”  
“No- Who are _you_ ,” Iwaizumi emphasizes the 'you' asking for more than the name Yachi gave him when they were smuggled in.

“Tooru, Oikawa.” He whispers.

“And who am I?” It’s the last question and Oikawa wants to cry as he says it.  
“Iwaizumi Hajime- my love, my boyfriend, my savior.”

“And what will I always be?” This question isn’t new but it’s one Iwaizumi hasn’t asked in a while.

“Here.” Oikawa’s voice continues to grow faint, weak as he contains his whimper.

“And what will I always do.” Iwaizumi rubs his thumb across Oikawa’s hand.

“Love me.” Oikawa can barely breathe through the words.

“Always.” Iwaizumi says.

Iwaizumi leads Oikawa to bed, pulling him close and stroking the scars that have not faded, their new life still seemingly fabricated on the tips of their fingers, only a week of freedom but their minds still held captive by their fear.


	2. 3 Months, Not used to it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 months after their escape, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi have settled into a new home, with Iwaizumi working and Oikawa at home, their life seems safe...

Oikawa turns the page, the writing still a bit foreign, but becoming clearer. He looks back at the paper Bokuto sent him, the instructions simple but- odd. He’s not sure how to complete-

The door latch turns in its metal frame, and Oikawa looks up from the bed. 

“Iwa-chan?” He calls out, and in a moment Iwaizumi’s voice comes from down the stairs,

“I’m home!” He says, and Oikawa smiles, chuckling to himself and then smiling wider.

He hears Iwaizumi’s feet bound up the stairs and bows his head to his book, taking interest in the page again. Iwaizumi’s head peeks in from behind the door and Oikawa looks up like he hadn’t been staring at the wood just a few seconds ago. 

“Hi-” He says, his smile almost too wide on his face, he has to bite his lip to keep it from growing more. 

“Hi-” Iwaizumi says. 

He steps in and closes the door, and stands there for a moment, awkwardly. They both try to act normal like their hearts aren’t trying to break out of their cages. 

“Good day at work?” Oikawa asks, but he forces himself to look back down at his book.

“Yeah- slow day, so not much to do,” Iwaizumi walks over to the closet and pulls his shirt over his head his back muscles tensing and relaxing, drawing Oikawa’s eyes. 

“That's- that’s good” He looks away again. When had he looked up? 

Iwaizumi changes into a pair of sweatpants scratching his chest and smiling at Oikawa, making his way to the bed. He settles in behind him, resting his chin on Oikawa’s shoulder and distracting his senses from the pages he can’t read. 

“What are you reading?” He asks, but Oikawa can barely answer as Iwaizumi’s lips press against his shoulder leaving his lungs breathless with nothing but a sigh. He leans back, Iwaizumi’s arms wrapping around him. He’ll never get used to this, but he never wants to, he never wants his heart to stop racing, he always wants to feel this way when Iwaizumi touches him; so- weak. 

“The history of clairvoyants...” Oikawa breathes the words and opens his eyes, remembering what he was trying to do. He sits up as Iwaizumi presses another kiss to his shoulder, moving his way up his neck.

“Is it interesting?” it’s muffled by Oikawa’s skin, the goosebumps rising with the touch of Iwaizumi’s tongue on Oikawa’s spine, pushing a shiver through every nerve and making Oikawa bite his lip to keep from moaning. If this is all Iwaizumi has to do to break Oikawa, Oikawa won’t stand a chance with anything more. His smile gleams, he can feel it, he laughs and his chest feels so light he grips onto Iwaizumi’s hands, afraid he might float away. 

“No- not- not really-” Oikawa gives up. He gives up trying to focus, trying to look at the words on the page and see sensical things with a senseless mind, everything numb and crying for Iwaizumi. 

He turns his head and leans, wrapping a hand around Iwaizumi’s neck and pulling him down, pressing their lips together. Iwaizumi moans lightly into Oikawa’s mouth as they rock back and forth, his hands wandering more across Oikawa’s skin. 

“You missed me?” Oikawa whispers and Iwaizumi swallows his words falling back on the bed and flipping over on top of Oikawa. 

“Every second-” He says, and Oikawa pulls him down, biting on his bottom lip and flooding both their bodies with insatiable desire. Iwaizumi’s hand finds its way into Oikawa’s hair, tugging at the strands while his tongue drags across Oikawa’s. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t resist when Oikawa makes him lean to the side, turning over again. But at the last moments Iwaizumi realizes, they were on the edge of the bed. 

He doesn’t hit the ground like he expects, his body feeling weightless and immobile and Iwaizumi’s heart pounds. He peers back at Oikawa, his arm outstretched and concentrated on Iwaizumi. 

“Tooru, Thank you, but please put me down, this is the weirdest sensation-” Iwaizumi tries to make a movement but feels no connection with his body, even though he sees his arm move. 

He hits the floor with a thud, his backside aching from the fall and Iwaizumi sits up looking back at Oikawa with narrowed eyes. 

“Well, you didn’t have to let me drop! You could have just put me down-” He scolds, and Oikawa bites his lip, trying not to laugh. 

“Sorry,” He says and pulls his knees to his chest, staring at Iwaizumi with his cheek rested upon them.

“It’s not funny-” Iwaizumi says, but he has to keep himself from laughing as well, leaning up against the bed and smiling. Oikawa’s toes wiggle as he laughs, hiding his face in his knees as Iwaizumi stands, sitting on the bed again. He runs his hand over Oikawa’s feet, squeezing his toes and rubbing his legs, the hair brushing under his palm becoming softer as he touches higher and higher until he hits his shorts. 

He hovers over Oikawa, pulling him flat onto the bed. Oikawa squirms with bubbles rising in his stomach, making him tremble. Iwaizumi presses a kiss softly to his lips, but before his fingers can even find the waistband of Oikawa’s shorts, Iwaizumi’s phone rings and their silence is broken by the vibrations on the mattress.

Iwaizumi sighs, pulling away and picking up the phone. His night job. 

“I have to take it-” He says, and Oikawa just nods, watching on his back as Iwaizumi crawls over him and sits on the other side of the bed, pressing the phone tight to his ear. 

“Anthony-” He responds, and Oikawa cringes, his English perfect but that name- Oikawa hates that name because it’s not his- it’s not real. 

“Mmhmm- yeah, yeah I don’t mind- yes sir-” Iwaizumi mumbles through the speaker and Oikawa turns on his side watching, tempted to listen in but knowing he shouldn’t. But before anything else Iwaizumi’s phone flips shut and he’s getting up off the bed. 

“Who was it?” Oikawa asks. 

He lays down on the bed and twists his body into an odd but comfortable position, stretching his limbs. Iwaizumi runs his hand through his hair and pulls a black shirt off a hanger, slipping his arms through the bottom. 

“My boss- he wants me in early tonight for training-” 

Oikawa watches the fabric stretch over Iwaizumi’s arms, the muscle flexing and relaxing. 

“I don’t know why though- since I’m only a bouncer-” 

Oikawa nods, tilting his head and resting it on his arm watching Iwaizumi strip and dress. He enjoys him- his looks, the way his muscles pull tight when he moves, how his skin never looks smooth but always is. His shoulders broad enough to hold the universe but all he worries about is Oikawa, and Oikawa can’t take it. How his nose crinkles when he laughs, and there’s just this whisper of a dip in his cheeks like they’re just about to pop. 

All of Iwaizumi’s curves, up and down his body seem like canyons Oikawa wants to explore, brush up against and trace. All day, he could burn kisses like fire into Iwaizumi, let the whole world fade and just lose himself in all of him. All of his warmth. 

“Tooru!” Iwaizumi waves bent forward and head tilted calling Oikawa’s attention.

He’s dressed again, and Oikawa doesn’t remember how it happened, he got lost for a minute and all he can do now is blush bite the inside of his cheek and try not to smile. 

“Sorry-” He mumbles, and Iwaizumi laughs lightly with the shake of his head. 

“I gotta get going, I’ll see you later tonight- I should be back around midnight,” Iwaizumi runs a hand through his hair while he talks, collecting his wallet and keys from the dresser and turning towards the door. 

“Don’t wait up- you should get some rest, we’ve got an appointment with Dr.Yaku tomorrow and you know what he says about sleep!.”

Iwaizumi presses a kiss to Oikawa’s forehead, tracing the curve of his jaw as he pulls away. Oikawa’s never been one to turn in early, but he understands Iwaizumi’s and Yaku’s concern. He’s been trying to adjust, and though it’s easy to want to forget, his body doesn’t always nor his mind. 

Oikawa watches Iwaizumi leave through the doorway and then runs to the window to watch him cross the street to the nearby club, the bright lights of the sign, coloring the empty street with neon loneliness, the sun setting beyond the building, dying. Iwaizumi’s met at the entrance, by another man who claps him on the back with a laugh and ushers him inside. The club is never very active, and usually, Oikawa will watch another bouncer wait outside, checking ID’s until the chaos clears, then it’ll be dark and the fun is over, and Oikawa stops watching. 

Now that Iwaizumi’s the one outside, Oikawa stays and watches. The November day wastes away with his books open on the bed as he sits on the window sill and lets the neon lights touch his cheek. The night comes silently and Oikawa spends it all leaning against the glass and watching Iwaizumi; feeling the bite of winter on the other side. It’s a quiet building, filled with whispered sighs of sex and loss, liquor bottles, and cigarette smoke, but Oikawa doesn't mind all that much, it’s better than anything before. The alleyway beneath their window is just as quiet, an immutable routine that runs like a hushed record through the streets. 

The only thing Oikawa misses, are the stars, how they touched every part of the sky, and now, all there is is darkness, and some nights, the city lights reach so far that there’s not even that. He misses nothing more.

Oikawa catches himself before he hits the floor, suspending himself over the wood. He fell asleep and lost his balance. 

“What time is it?” He mumbles and straightens himself onto his feet; rubbing at his eyes and yawning. The clock reads 10- but he doesn’t remember what it was before, his mind too foggy with sleep to consider it. 

He sinks into the mattress of their bed, pulling the blankets up to his neck, letting the heat absorb his senses and pull him away from the night and into a deep nothing. The books, still open at his feet. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi fits his key into the lock by 2 am. His head heavy with the night and empty thoughts, as he tromps up the stairs to Oikawa. 

He doesn’t expect him to be awake, and he’s not, but he’s not in the bed either. When Iwaizumi walks into the room he find’s Oikawa on the floor, curled on his side and dreaming, his brow knit tight.

He closes the door as quietly as he can, though he’s always been a light sleeper, Oikawa’s more so peaceful now 3 months after their escape.

He undresses out of his shirt and jeans and slips into a pair of sweatpants to sleep, walking over and crouching down at Oikawa’s side. 

“Heeey” He whispers and runs his fingers through Oikawa’s hair. 

He moans into Iwaizumi’s touch and blinks awake, mumbling inaudible little complaints and pulling his arms closer. 

“You moved onto the floor again-” Iwaizumi whispers, and Oikawa nods. 

“Why, do you always leave the bed?” Iwaizumi asks, and even though he knows the answer his heart still aches at Oikawa’s answer.

“The bed’s too soft, I’m not used to it.” His eyes slide shut again and his hand finds Iwaizumi’s, squeezing his fingers. 

Iwaizumi sighs, running his other hand through his hair. He watches as Oikawa falls back asleep, his chest sighing and finding a rhythm. His hand falls limp over Iwaizumi’s. He’s wondered if the transition has been hard for Oikawa, to suddenly have everything be so different from the sterile house of mirrors he had lived in. He had taken him away from his home because no matter how much he wants to deny it, Iwaizumi knows, home sometimes isn’t what you love, but what you know. 

He takes the blankets and his pillow from the bed, laying them over Oikawa and fluffing the pillow onto the floor next to him. 

“Iwa-chan-?” Oikawa mumbles and cracks open his eyes again, looking up at Iwaizumi as he lowers onto the floor next to him. He crawls under the blankets and lays his head on the pillow, cuddling into Oikawa for more warmth. 

“I’m here-” He mumbles, the time finally taking its toll on his mind. 

Oikawa turns towards Iwaizumi, curling into him and pressing his nose to his collarbone, immediately finding his spot, just under Iwaizumi’s chin, against his chest and wrapped in his arms, soaking up his warmth. 

Sleep comes quickly and silently, the cold floor becoming warmer beneath them as time goes on, but never softer.

Never, ever softer. 

 

* * *

 

The morning wanders into their room. Its light ghosting over everything and making the world hold it’s breath in the morning’s silence. Oikawa’s skin rises in goosebumps and he sighs, awake with heavy bones and warm breath in his lungs. 

He’s on the floor, pressed into Iwaizumi and waking with chills. He sits up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He still feels like he’s dreaming; an ethereal shimmer touches everything, soft pink cold coming in from sunrise, and he rubs his eyes again. 

“Owl-san,” He whispers, and he watches. 

On the desk, the shabby table where he writes his letters, his portal has opened, the soapy glow of colors coming alive and parting as a folded piece of paper finds it’s way through. Oikawa calls the paper towards him, plucking it from the air and unfolding its edges. 

Bokuto has a way of introducing all of his notes, always with an overly punctuated extended “Helloooo” with numerous “o’s”; but the rest of his letters are calm, descriptions of where he’s living, who he’s with, how Akaashi is. Sometimes he’ll mention Kuroo and Kenma who are traveling throughout Europe and visit them often. Recently, though, Bokuto and Akaashi have found a home in Africa, in a Magii tribe with diverse abilities and customs. 

Bokuto describes the village like it were his old home like he’s lived there all his life. He’s become a teacher there, helping the children and adults understand their abilities, but also organizing their archives, helping to collect knowledge. 

Attached is a picture; Bokuto holds Akaashi close, pressing their cheeks together with the sunset behind them, the colors painting their world vibrant shades of red and orange almost violently setting the world ablaze in beauty.

Bokuto’s letters are far spread, but he always responds when Oikawa has a question, including it at the end, explaining to him how to use his powers to understand different languages, how to control objects on a molecular level- though he hasn’t quite mastered that yet-

Oikawa sighs and sets the letter on the floor, getting to his feet and stretching, feeling his muscles relax and breathe. He looks at the bed, the empty sheets and untouched pillows on his side, the stolen space on Iwaizumi’s. He touches the mattress and leans into it, sitting. It’s hard to sleep on it, to sink into it, he’s so used to the hard deflated quilt on the metal frame that such a soft touch is uncomfortable.  

Iwaizumi’s still on the floor, nose, and cheeks flushed with cold kisses from the morning. Oikawa leaves him to sleep, padding down the stairs and into the living room. It wasn’t easy, in the beginning, to transition, but as time moved forward so did Oikawa, things became easier, routine. 

Their walls are bare, chalky pastel red paint peels in the corners, and scratched up wood floors freeze their feet. An apartment Yachi bought them, and Iwaizumi helps support, it hurts to watch him work alone, to struggle with 2 jobs, but Oikawa hasn’t received clearance from Dr.Yaku to start working. 

Most of the apartment is empty, their furniture scarce, but it’s home now, and Oikawa can feel its warmth even in the November cold. He can hear the laughter still stuck in the ceiling corners and the smell of Iwaizumi making his coffee in the morning when Oikawa wakes up late. It’s the only home he knows and it’s theirs. 

“Morning-” Iwaizumi grumbles from the doorway, coming down the stairs rubbing his eyes with a smile. 

“Hajime-” Oikawa whispers, and Iwaizumi stops, tilting his head. Even though Oikawa’s started using his given name, it still stuns him when he does, because it’s always said softly, like a whisper. 

He tiptoes across the icy floor to Oikawa, wrapping a hand around his waist and pulling him closer. 

“You want tea?” he asks, and his fingers graze up the length of Oikawa’s spine. He’s gained weight since their escape; eating normally and exercising as recommended, he’s filled into his body again. 

“Sure,” his hands wander into iwaizumi’s hair as he pushes closer, brushing a kiss into him before he steps away. His heart drops, and the feeling of eyes crawl over his skin. He turns and squeezes Iwaizumi’s arm. 

He looks out the window, like there’s something to see, a face to recognize, but there’s nothing. He glances over the broken signs and barred windows of across the street but none are awake, and yet his heart still races. 

“Everything okay?” Iwaizumi takes a step forward, holding tightly to Oikawa’s arm. He’s holding his breath, staring out the window.

“Tooru-” 

“Yeah-” Oikawa shakes his head loose, throwing away the thoughts. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” He whispers and looks back at Iwaizumi, then at the clock. It’s later than he thought. 

“Um- can you put my tea in a to-go cup, we need to head over to Yaku’s soon-” 

Iwaizumi nods, letting him slip past him. He turns towards the window, looking out to where Oikawa had been staring. There’s nothing there so he turns. 

“Hmm?” He looks back, and the shadow moves, light now coming through the window across the street, where it had been shrouded in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading!!! Don't forget to leave Kudos!!!! More on the way soon!!
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> PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!
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> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	3. A Normal Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he wants is to live normally with Iwaizumi.

“I keep trying to read the books- but they still don’t make sense,” Oikawa says. He sips the hot chocolate Yaku made him. It’s warm on his tongue, heating up his chest from the inside out like a flame burning through him. 

“Your English has improved I see though-” Yaku scratches down notes on his clipboard, recording Oikawa like a video in ink.  

“Yeah- that was easy since Iwa-chan is fluent.” Oikawa sighs- 

“It’s frustrating not being able to figure it out-?” Yaku leads, and Oikawa nods. He has his knees tucked to his chest, his toes gripping the edge of the couch as Yaku nods and leaves the silence be. His sessions with Dr.Yaku are always relaxed, often enough he’ll bring him hot chocolate and Oikawa will curl up in the corner of the couch and recite his week to him. He likes Dr.Yaku- he doesn’t push for Oikawa to dig into his past but lets it come naturally. As a friend of Yachi, Dr.Yaku is completely aware of Oikawa’s imprisonment, as well as his abilities. 

“How’s Iwaizumi doing anyway? You two getting along?” 

He always asks this question and Oikawa always tries to answer differently without diverging from the truth, but today something else tugs at his heart.

“Yes.” he puts it simply and conveys everything Yaku expected. 

“Are you two planning of celebrating Thanksgiving?” He prompts and Oikawa looks up, his brows pinched. 

Yaku waves his pen around in his hand trying to grasp at the words in the air, 

“It’s a- an American holiday, um just history thing- um” his eyes roll to the side looking into thought and Oikawa tilts his head. 

“It’s a holiday to say thanks, to all you have, that’s the point anyway.” Yaku finally finishes and Oikawa pauses for a moment. He thinks of all the things he’s thankful for. He thinks of all the pain he’s had and hate he’s seen and- Iwaizumi, and Yachi, of every gentle touch they’ve given. 

“Maybe-” He sips his drink and Yaku raises his eyebrows. 

“Well it would be nice, it might help everything feel more real for you too-” Yaku moves to the floor in front of his chair, crossing his legs and leaning against it. 

“Now- you mentioned this feeling of being in a dream,”    

“There was something this morning-” He doesn’t mean to begin so suddenly. 

“That felt like a dream?” 

Oikawa shakes his head and Yaku listens. 

“There was someone out front, across the street, and I don’t know who-” 

“Well, New York is a big city, many people in many places.” Yaku tries to dismiss in order to dig. 

“They were watching us, I could feel it-” 

“Feel what-” 

Yaku lets his clipboard rest on his lap, giving his full attention to Oikawa. He stares for a while, into the steam of his hot chocolate, trying to remember it, that morning’s feelings. 

“It was unsettling, I could feel their eyes, the very way they blinked as they peeled away the privacy of our moment.” 

“It was like they had invaded our home with only their stare-” 

“Do you have any clue to who it might have been?” Yaku mentally notes all of Oikawa’s words and motions. He hasn’t looked up from his mug, but Yaku can see his chest rise deeply. Oikawa’s afraid. 

“No-” 

* * *

The warmth of the waiting room spreads up the back of Iwaizumi’s neck, and he flips the page of the magazine. On these afternoons he’s mostly tired and waiting, trying not to let his mind wander into what Oikawa might be saying. He hopes it’s good. 

He flips a few more pages before closing the magazine completely, bored with it the glossy paper giving him a headache. 

“Maybe, just a little-” He leans back in the chair. He’s always alone in Dr.Yaku’s house, in his small little waiting room he’s made, would it be rude if he ‘accidentally’ fell asleep- 

The door opens and Iwaizumi sits up wide eyed. Yaku’s short stature pokes out around the door and smiles, waving Iwaizumi into the room. 

“Session’s done-” he says and Iwaizumi stands. That’s right, it’s the middle of the month. 

Oikawa sits on the exam table in the room beyond the small therapy office, his round cheeks bunching up with a smile when he spots Iwaizumi. He wears a hospital gown, and when Iwaizumi’s close enough he can see into it, where the scars peek out on his back. 

“Hi-” Iwaizumi whispers and he stands close, always seeming to be more nervous than Oikawa every time. That’s a good thing. 

“How was the session?” Iwaizumi asks, Yaku preparing Oikawa’s past charts. 

“Nice, as always-” It’s his same answer every time and Iwaizumi’s glad to hear it again, hoping with all he has that it’s true. 

“Good,”  

“Yaku says this’ll be my last time if everything looks okay,” He kicks his legs with excitement ready for the routine he’s grown used to- for the painlessness.

“Well last one for a while, you won’t have to come in for the physicals and scan until next year, and the therapy only twice a month.” 

Iwaizumi nods and Oikawa keeps smiling. It’s hazy, how fast it’s gone by, the three months. How far they’ve come from the confused and frightened trust Oikawa put in Yachi’s genius friend, and hope that filled both of them when each night found more peace and they faded through time with thoughts. Three months and so much growth. 

Iwaizumi stands by and observes the exam. When Yaku taps Oikawa’s knee with a small hammer and he kicks; when he peers into his mouth and ears and flashes a light into his eyes. He listens to his heart and Iwaizumi wonders how well he can hear it and if it’s the same kind of thump he hears when they lay close to one another. It’s a basic physical exam that Yaku jots down, keeping track of Oikawa’s physical development since he’s arrived. 

“2 more kilograms, good” Yaku jots it down. He’s gained a total of 12 kilograms since they arrived, and his muscles are more defined. He had never been malnourished but he was underweight and weaker even when he looked strong. 

“Well, just come into the next room and we’ll do the scan-” 

Oikawa follows Dr.Yaku through the door waiting just a moment for Iwaizumi to join them. This room is smaller, with a large machine in the center and a control room to the side, the white walls reflective off of Oikawa’s skin and he sits up on the table. 

“Iwaizumi-” Yaku calls, and Iwaizumi nods wanting to stay but knowing he has to be in the back with him. He waves and Oikawa smiles again before laying down on the table. 

The various screens light up with Yaku’s presence, buttons blinking and Yaku begins to flick switches and knobs. Then the bed Oikawa lays on begins to move through the large ring. 

“So-” Yaku starts. It’s normal for Yaku to ask additional questions about Oikawa to Iwaizumi, to stay updated on health and patterns Iwaizumi has noticed. 

“How’s his sleeping?” The screen in front of Yaku begins to feed out a large image, colored with red and blue and green and yellow. 

“He’s been sleeping through the night,” Iwaizumi tells him, and the memory of Oikawa’s screams rings through his ears when he couldn’t sleep the whole night when Iwaizumi would stay awake with him until the sun touched their walls. And now-

“But- he still moves from the bed, onto the floor,” 

“Because it’s familiar?” Yaku types something into the computer and the monitor blinks, projecting a 3D model of Oikawa’s brain into the room. Yaku stands.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi turns as they speak, looking up into the projections rotating before them. Yaku doesn’t respond, but clicks the arrow keys and directs the image. 

It zooms into a small part of blue, that’s pulsating but only slightly with color. Yaku zooms in and highlights it, the part becoming bigger. 

“It’s calmed down-” He says, and Iwaizumi’s mesmerized, the color running is shades of pink and purple, changing before his eyes into a sharp blue hue.

“That’s his amygdala, it controls his emotions-” Yaku explains and Iwaizumi looks back to the window at Oikawa still in the machine. 

“Now because of Oikawa’s powers his brain responds differently to immense stress, so his Limbic system when he first came here-” Yaku hands Iwaizumi a scan he remembers vaguely of the same image but rounder and a deep dark red as if it were bleeding. Other parts stressed in the same way. 

“It was terrified- swollen with fear, and now-” He motions to the hologram, and zooms out, the colors colder, blues and purples more prominent. 

“The colors are codes in the machine’s system, testing for chemicals that mean different things,” Yaku explains.

Iwaizumi holds onto the scan but looks up at the hologram, watching the synapses spark to life in different places, Oikawa’s brain, alive in front of him. 

“This is amazing-” He whispers. Before Yaku would only sit behind the computers, analyzing the images on the screen and asking questions to Iwaizumi. This- this was entirely different. 

“Oikawa?” Yaku speaks into a microphone and Iwaizumi can see Oikawa’s attention sparking in his brain. He walks up closer to it, standing among the bolts of thought. 

“There’s a glass of water on the table in front of the machine, can you sense it?” Yaku asks and before Oikawa responds Iwaizumi watches, patiently as his brain becomes silent, the light blue synapses dying down to minuscule sparks, the functions shutting off. 

“Yes-” Oikawa responds and his brain remains dark. 

“Great, can you move it just slightly to the right for me- without getting up-” Yaku and Iwaizumi wait a moment before the glass starts to move. When it does, Oikawa’s brain erupts with fracticles of white lightning bolts, reaching out from the center they shatter and split across his nerves and even expand past the tissue of the brain. 

“3 months ago- the bolts- expanded only a few centimeters out- and were still powerful. The larger the object the more force needed.” Yaku takes a scan from the table and holds it up, an older scan of the electricity expanding within the brain, but very concentrated. Iwaizumi remembers those moments when he’d watch Oikawa move whatever object and in the corner of his sight the monitor would flash. 

“He’s getting better, Iwaizumi-” Yaku assures him and lowers the scan. 

“And he’s getting stronger.” 

  
  


* * *              

Oikawa fastens the button of his jeans, stuffing his pockets back in place while Iwaizumi and Yaku discuss his scans. The meds didn’t work on him in the beginning, his brain and immune system manipulated their chemical properties to clean his bloodstream, so when Yaku hands him a bottle he’s nervous. 

“They’re chamomile pills, it’s a natural relaxant that might help with the restless nights.” Oikawa takes the bottle and looks at the image on it. A white and yellow flower folding and blooming. 

“Iwaizumi mentioned you’re still moving out of the bed?” Yaku looks at his charts again and Iwaizumi shuffles his feet near by. 

“It’s-”   
“Too soft,” Yaku finishes and Oikawa nods, 

“Well these will help relax your body, and Iwaizumi says that he’s going to remove the mattress frame so that it’s farmer on the floor.” 

Oikawa’s eyes widen, excitement filling him at Iwaizumi’s nod.

“This can help during the adjustment, it’ll take time though.” 

Oikawa nods enthusiastically, excited to lose the memories of his past, ready to feel- normal. 

“And I guess that’s it.” Yaku takes a deep breath, flopping his hands with a smile and Oikawa shuffles to Iwaizumi’s side, his smile pushing up on his cheeks. 

“Oh- wait, I almost forgot.” Yaku jumps and reaches into his coat pocket, pulling out a slim pink card. 

“This is my sister-in-law’s business, I called her the other day and she’d love to have you work there-” 

“So I’m cleared?” Oikawa almost bursts his insides shaking. 

“You’re cleared to work, just not too hard yet.” 

Oikawa jumps into the air, throwing his hands around Iwaizumi’s shoulder. His heart pounds with excitement, the feeling blooming inside him like the flower on the bottle. 

“This is her work place, you can show up whenever to meet her, just give her your name.” 

Oikawa takes the little pink card, small fruit dancing in a line at the bottom under the name.   
“Haiba Fruit and coffee shop-” Oikawa reads pulling tightly at the straps of his mini backpack.

He holds his breath as they leave, his smile held so tight no air passes, his heart so fast he’s going to be taken away with it. Iwaizumi sticks close to Oikawa’s side, his arm wrapped around his waist, speaking about some amazing scan, but all Oikawa can do is stare at the little pink card. This is his chance, he can work, this is the beginning- his normal life. 

He takes a deep breath when they step into the sun, the fresh air whispering chills under their skin. 

“You’re so amazing-” Iwaizumi’s words flood in when Oikawa notices and he just stares, he hadn’t listened. 

“You’re so amazing and you don’t even know it-” 

Iwaizumi cups his heated palms around Oikawa’s cheeks, pulling his eyes away from the business card. 

“Oh please Iwa-chan, I know exactly how amazing I am-” Oikawa smirks and Iwaizumi snorts and drops his hands. His laughter is loud and filled with heart and Oikawa giggles at its awkwardness.

“Good-” Iwaizumi says,

“Good,” whispering it again, softer in even his smile. Their fingers find each other at their sides and Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa forward down the street, the little street cafe filling up with the lunch rush as they join the line.

It’s their usual routine, therapy and then lunch at the next door cafe; people watching while they eat, long discussions of friends and family, mostly Iwaizumi’s family, and sometimes playing games, finding colors, imagining people’s lives. But mostly laughing, and always, always smiling.

They snag the last little table inside, by the window where they can still look out at the small flecks of snow that’s begun to fall. The waitress sets their glasses and smiles. She’s new here.    
“Hello, I’m Audrey, can I get you guys anything?” Her voice is soft and deep, her dark skin vibrant with the blue winter light as she leans closer to speak over the crowd chatter. 

Iwaizumi orders his usual sandwich and Oikawa a bowl of soup to heat him up, they don’t bother looking at the menus so she takes them and goes back to the counter. 

“So-” Oikawa leans forward over the table, and Iwaizumi looks up. 

“So what?” 

Oikawa isn’t really sure, he just wanted to start conversation, he enjoys talking especially with Iwaizumi. So he shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes, unsure of anything at this point, so giddy with excitement, he’s mentally counting his fingers every ten minutes. 

“Did your session go well today?” Iwaizumi’s already asked the question but he asks again anyway. And Oikawa nods, thinking back to their conversation and only really remembering the mention of the man watching them, if it was a man. Was it a man? He shakes his thoughts out of his head, ignoring the rock in his stomach and avoiding the topic. 

“Yeah, but let's talk about something else.”    
“Do you know where the little shop is?” Oikawa pushes the card across the table Iwaizumi looking forward at it, his lip pouts as he shakes his head declining. 

“I’m just as new to this city so-” 

“But I thought you said you were born in America?” Oikawa takes back the card, just as Audrey sets his soup down in front of him. 

“Thank you-” He mumbles and picks up his spoon. 

“Yeah but 1. I was born in Orlando Florida, and 2. We moved to Japan about 4 months after I was born,” He says and takes a large bite from the corner of his sandwich. Oikawa hums in part understanding and part delight from his soup. It’s salty and heavy on his tongue a thick red color like tomato. He crumbles some crackers into it and stirs.    
“That’s right and your mother is the reason you know English well,” 

“Yup and my step father only spoke Japanese to me so,” Iwaizumi takes another bite and Oikawa takes another sip. 

“What about your biological father?” Oikawa asks. They’ve had this conversation before but somehow they’ve never spoken about the man in Florida. 

“He died just after I was born, and that’s why we moved, my mother needed more support and her family offered her help back in Japan, so-” He shrugs his shoulders and takes his last bite.    
“Mm- You wanna see a picture of them?” Iwaizumi speaks through his mouthful, and Oikawa nods sitting straighter, intrigued. Iwaizumi pulls out his wallet, sliding out a small square picture of his mother and father and hands it to Oikawa. 

They’re embraced together with Iwaizumi, his small cheeks puffy and round and his short limbs dangling over his mother’s arms. His father is tall, with sharp green eyes, his skin brown and glowing next to his family. He smiles like Iwaizumi, so widely his ears probably moved just a bit as he did. He can see both of them in Iwaizumi, his mother’s height, and nose, but his father’s eyes and muscle tone and a mix of their complexions.

“You look like him-” Oikawa hands back the photograph and Iwaizumi smiles. 

“You think so?” He looks down at the photo, his thumb rubbing the edge. 

“Yeah,” 

He returns the photo to his wallet and they sit in silence for a moment, watching the people around them, until Audrey picks of their plates. Then as she brings Iwaizumi his tea they start up their game.    
“Colors, or people?” Iwaizumi prompts and Oikawa thinks watching Iwaizumi take his first sip then bouncing, 

“People!” and Iwaizumi nods, looking around. He sees their waitress leaning over some books at the counter, reading to pass the time. 

“Our waitress,” and nods in her direction. 

Oikawa stares at her, watching her flip the page and push up on her round glasses. Her curly hair is pulled back into a puffed bun that shakes every time she turns her head or looks up at the customers. She looks smart and vigilant. 

“And no entering mind!” Iwaizumi adds quickly as he watches Oikawa, and he pouts. 

“I wasn’t doing that,” Oikawa whispers, his smirk pulling up at the corners of his lips. He looks back at Audrey, 

“Okay, so Audrey, is an intelligent determined person who attends college at... at what’s the place here- the big one-” 

“Columbia?” 

“Yeah, at Columbia, her favorite subject is math but she’s also really good in her sciences, she has a large bookshelf of all her books from when she was younger. Um... she has a boyfriend, but she’s thinking of dumping him for the girl in one of her classes, and... um... uh ha,” Oikawa starts to giggle trying to find things to add into her life when Iwaizumi pitches in. 

“Her mother was a doctor and wants her to be one too, but what she really wants to be is an engineer. She grew up an only child, and her favorite color is midnight blue-” Iwaizumi leans back and nods pleased with their description of the almost stranger. 

“I like her-” he says, but all he can stare at is Iwaizumi. 

“Okay do that man in the black suit behind you-” Iwaizumi nods with his nose as he takes another sip of his tea. 

He turns in that direction, and locks eyes with the man, his pupils a dark hazy blue, and Oikawa holds his breath. His nose is covered by a newspaper and his eyes avert the minute Oikawa looks back, he can hear his heart racing. He recognizes those eyes, why do they all have the same eyes. 

“I- I want to leave-” Oikawa deadpans and Iwaizumi sits up. He nods, calling Audrey over for the bill, and pays as quickly as possible. Oikawa can feel the man’s eyes on the back of his neck, burning up his skin like chocks of coal. He scrambles for his jacket and backpack as Iwaizumi receives his card back, passing the man and glimpsing his eyes again as he passes, they’re darker up close. Oikawa already knew that, and he walks faster, bursting out the front door and spun in circles by the cold air. 

Iwaizumi comes running out after him.    
“Hey, hey hey- what’s going on,” He places his hands on Oikawa’s shoulders to steady him and Oikawa looks up, suddenly feeling the chilling touch of November. 

“Ah- I just didn’t feel comfortable anymore. I’m sorry-” He tries to apologize but Iwaizumi rubs it away.

“No, it’s perfectly okay, just put your coat on, you just got cleared by Yaku we don’t want you sick-” He whispers, changing the subject. 

He takes Oikawa’s jacket from his arms and drapes it around his shoulders, pulling it tights and throwing his little backpack over his shoulder carrying it for him as they walk. Oikawa’s hand doesn’t leave Iwaizumi’s warm one until they reach the truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG IT HAS TAKEN SO LONG TO WRITE THIS I AM SOOO SORRY!!!!!! okay well since school is starting up and I'll be on a schedule I'll be more productive and write more so YAY!!!! ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!!!!
> 
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> PLEASE COMMENT!!!!! all I need are comments!! (feeeeeed meeee lol) 
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> Tumblr: http://www.paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	4. My Lonely Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're here... aren't they?

It’s snowing when they get there, and couples run under the snow hugging their shoulders from the new cold, but when Oikawa steps out of the truck, he looks to the sky. They stand there for a moment, and Oikawa stares into the depth of the sky as if it were falling, his eyes wide and his hair collecting flakes. Iwaizumi stares like he loves to. He’s seen snow before, but he’s never seen a face like Oikawa’s when he’s seeing snow for the first time. 

“What are you standing in the cold for!” A woman shouts from the storefront before them. She pokes her head out into the street and looks from side to side before waving them in. Her long silver hair is pulled tight in a bun and her nose and ears are tinted rose pink her smile warming her and them from the cold.    
“You must be- um... um...” She snaps her fingers as she walks "John and Anthony?” She smiles shyly and winks. Oikawa crowds close to Iwaizumi and tries not to snob at the names, nodding with a smile. Yaku told her but she only knows so much. Alisa smiles, with her eye closed, reaching out and taking Oikawa’s hand. 

“Alisa Haiba, my brother-in-law sent you!” She speaks quickly and zooms to the counter as she does. 

“...He said you’d let me work?” 

“Absolutely, welcome!” She spreads her arms out at the cafe, waving him over behind the counter. Iwaizumi takes a seat at one of the empty tables watching as Oikawa speaks with Alisa. She smiles greatly at him, and leads him all through the counter and back, taking his jacket and giving him an apron with the shop logo on it. He follows her directions and pays close attention to what she tells him, jumping right into everything as it’s there. 

Iwaizumi glances at his phone, the time reading well into the afternoon, and then it vibrates. He clicks the answer button and presses the receiver to his ear listening to the chattering static on the other side, before the voice of the old man in his office. 

“Hello?” He answers and the voice comes through. 

Oikawa glances up at Iwaizumi when the cash register pops open, proud of himself for being able to work it. He’s excited to be working, but when he looks up Iwaizumi isn’t looking. His ear is pressed against his phone and his hand is wrapped around the back of his neck like it always is when he’s trying not to stress or overthink. 

“It’s a pretty slow day, so why don’t you just practice what we’ve talked about right now for the next hour and then we’ll learn some more stuff,” Alisa says and pats Oikawa on the back. He nods, dragging his eyes away from Iwaizumi but his eyes blur as he does and his focus is still in the back of his thoughts. It’s the clap of Iwaizumi’s phone that pulls him out. 

He watches him come up to the counter and smile, looking up at the menu. 

“Can I have a cup of pineapple?” He looks at Oikawa as he speaks and all he can do is stand on his toes and hold back his smile. He nods hurriedly. 

“What size?” He remembers to ask and Iwaizumi requests a small before Oikawa picks up the small bowl and fills it with a few cubes of fresh pineapple. 

It’s completely empty in the shop, their silent blushing concealed to the space between them as Oikawa hands him the cup of fruit. He pays full price even though Alisa came by and told him he could have a discount, but he insisted. 

“I just got a call from work, they need me in the office just for a little bit. You want me to come pick you up after?” Iwaizumi takes a bite of his pineapple. 

“Um...” Oikawa turns towards Alisa who’s busy cleaning the blender from a drink served earlier. 

“The apartment isn’t that far a walk, I’ll just go home in a little bit.” 

It’s not a lie, the apartment is about a 15 min walk from the shop, which he was glad about.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but Oikawa nods, certain he can make it back fine. Iwaizumi nods, taking the last bite of his pineapple, and zipping up his coat. 

“I’ll see you at home then-” He leans across the counter and kisses Oikawa on the cheek before leaving, a rare but welcome gesture he does ever so often in public. 

“Bye-” Oikawa whispers, and the bell chimes as he leaves, the shop basked in silence at the click of the door.

He pretends to ring up customers for a few minutes before reading the menu over again. The hour doesn’t end before Alisa shows him how to make a coffee, and how to clean the blender, and by then, a few customers have entered the cafe. 

Oikawa slowly tends to the blender after serving a smoothie while he watches the customers. They scuttle in small groups, whispering their conversation like they’re secrets; a few people are alone, sipping coffee or tea with a book in their hand. Oikawa tries to read the covers, but he’s too far. Something about the color gray and a picture. 

The store is filled with their subtle murmurs and the raspy sighs of pages turning. Oikawa enjoys silence, muted white noise that keeps the room inflow; it’s a great change to the utter silence of his mind only a few months ago, from the white walls and hushed mechanical movement of the camera as it followed his movements; a great change. 

The bell rings one more time, and Oikawa turns with a smile to greet them like Alisa told him to. 

“Hello, how might I-” He stops cold as the man takes a seat in the corner, a tall man in a dark black suit, his glasses on his nose, peering over at him from the table. He pulls out a newspaper and averts his eyes. Oikawa turns back to the blender. His body trying to ignore what his mind is hyperconscious of. Them man’s presence.   

His chest fills with the heat of another’s gaze. His stomach lower and heavy as he goes about cleaning. Being watched again. They’re not just glances, small looks, they’re ember eyes burning into him and daring to see him. His hands begin to shake along the blades, the metal scraping him. He drops the blender into the sink, the blades slice across his fingers and the blood runs watery and diluted across his hand. It mixes with the soap and dies it pink or light red tinting the water. 

Oikawa reacts rigidly, watching his blood for a moment before reaching for a towel and pressing it to the wound. He looks over his shoulder at the man in the corner, the newspaper shifts up a little. He can’t heal himself with him there. He’ll know. He’ll kill him. He glances at the clock and walks to the back. Alisa can help. Alisa can help. 

He holds the towel against his fingers, hugging his hand and pleading the blood to stop. Alisa looks up when he enters the room, then at the clock. He’s about to ask to leave when- 

“I think the next girl will be in about 2 minutes, I can cover if you want to head home,” She stands to put her pen down. She glances at his hand, 

“Did you cut yourself?” 

Oikawa stumbles over his words but is able to nod. His heart like thunder in his chest, croaking up his throat pushing the air out. He suffocates on his fear. 

“Oh dear, did it get on anything?” 

He nods again and she follows him out, looking down at the blender, the pink bloody water swirling with the soap. 

“Okay, well we got another one in the back, this one's gotta be thrown out, policy and all-” She picks up the blender from the sink the water flooding to the drain. 

“You can go on home-” She nods and Oikawa almost slightly bows, but settles for a small nod. 

He takes his jacket from the closet and replaces it with his apron on the hook. Winter is sure to be bitter this time of day. He says goodbye like Iwaizumi taught him, and his therapist encouraged and tries his best not to stare at the man in the suit as he walks through the door. 

The sky is a soft blue above Oikawa, a faded midnight that’s soon to come. He hadn’t realized how long he had worked, Iwaizumi should be home. He turns to the left, down the alleyway where he’ll walk 5 blocks and then turn right onto the street with the neon signs. His apartment above it. It’ll only be about a fifteen-minute walk. Only a fifteen-minute walk. 

Oikawa pulls his jacket closer, the snow falling into his hair, and burning into his cheeks. He takes a deep breath in, letting the ice fill his lungs and breathing out the smoke like it’s turned to fire within him. He walks two blocks when he hears his footsteps. Thick and heavy on the sidewalk.

Oikawa walks faster. He doesn’t know it’s him, and he doesn’t look behind him. More footsteps begin, softly treading, softly stalking, Oikawa can hear. He glances behind him, over his shoulder just enough to see the panoramic of the street. To see the black suits and dark glasses, their stun guns at their hips and their fingers twitching at their thighs.

Oikawa walks faster, the snow coming down harder, he can hear each one of their steps, like a timer counting down. He only needs to know when. When to run.  

His lungs fill with dry bitter air, his heart pushing down past his stomach, the snow moves slant past him and he turns again and again and again. The sound of their breathing follows him like it’s dripping down his neck, the sound of their steps track him, and he can hear the buzz of their stun guns. Electricity pulsing through them, he only. needs. to focus. and-

The blue light electrify them, and he listens as their lungs burst, the air becoming blood running red past their lips before even a scream can be whispered. Oikawa keeps running. He doesn’t look behind him, he doesn’t count their heartbeats, he doesn’t even listen for their energy. He runs. 

 

* * *

 

Oikawa chokes on his breath when he slams against the door, hot heavy dry breaths stuck in his throat like screams. He doesn’t look in his bag for his keys just mentally pushes the lock and listens for the click. When he hears it he falls into the door, into the hall and scrambles onto the floor throwing his mind at the door, slamming it shut throwing the lock and still breathing like one lung is ruptured.  

He keeps staring at the door, his butt on the floor and his fingers digging into the edges of wood frames glued to the concrete beneath.

_ They’re gone. _ He tells himself.  _ They’re gone.  _

He tries to keep his hands his mind from shaking, but the pressure, the pressure is so strong and his lungs collapse from the inside. He pushes up off the ground and looks into the light of the window, bright white light that spans the length of everything, so blinding, so bright. His world flashes in and out, the beeps faded tears in the background of his footsteps going up the stairs. He trails the wall with his finger, but can’t feel the paint. 

The air finally stops coming and his head feels so heavy he’s pulled back to his knees, gasping at the ground. His heart is stoned and frozen, so fast it’s met a single beat, continuous and screaming. His hands shake he can’t keep himself up, he can’t keep his mind straight. The sounds get louder and the light brighter, white walls flashing across him, like ghosts. 

He needs Iwaizumi- He needs him-

He falls to his back and faces the ceiling, traces its cracks and burns, the mold in the corner, his mind fades out like a movie, his breath stuck in his body his blood running cold, he needs to scream. The tears tremble down his cheeks and nothing feels as soft as their kiss when they touch his tongue, bleed in the cracks of his lips, freeze on the edge of his chin. His fingers find the buttons of his phone and press the 1, the dial sounding the phone ringing the terror freeing, and Oikawa can’t scream any louder than his thoughts are pounding at the edges so many so many voices, Suga, Daichi, Yachi, screaming, choking. His voice is stuck. But Iwaizumi- Iwaizumi bleeds out a hello and Oikawa sucks in. 

His voice cracks, open and shattered. 

“Help-”    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BAAAAAACK!!!!!!! Yes, I'm back with more chapter!! and more to come!!!!
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> Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave COMMENTS!!
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> Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	5. My Fallen Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi rushes to Oikawa's side, no pain, no obstacle will stop him.

“Oikawa- Tooru answer me-”

“Tooru! What’s wrong?” But there’s no time, Iwaizumi’s body is reacting. His heart is clenching and falling, and he’s choking on his own thoughts and words before he moves. Iwaizumi scrambles away from Henry’s desk. 

“Anthony what in heavens-” Henry shouts after him, but he ignores his boss, his scowl and tight-knit brow and side commentary between shouts, all falls unheard and unseen behind him. He sprints and leaps over the desks, the people ducking against her keyboards. 

His vision blurs as he acts on instinct, Oikawa’s voice flat and cold on the other side, 

“Tooru!” 

“Tooru- where are you?” 

“Home-” He whispers and Iwaizumi darts down the stairs, faster by 3’s then 4’s then leaping over rails, slamming into the base wall and scrambling. He sprints farther and faster until he fears the loss of control of his legs when they shake just a bit. 

“I’m coming-” He says and looks at his watch, and just when he wants to ask another question, the screaming comes out of Oikawa like blood flowing out his mouth, the skin at the back of his throat sounding like it’s cracking, his bones breaking and shattering. It shakes Iwaizumi to the fibers of his memory, shaking from the pain, from the last time he’d heard that scream.  

“Tooru!” Iwaizumi runs faster down the street. He recognizes this- his panic attacks, this rare but familiar shattering of Oikawa’s reality. His short breath and muffled thuds. His heartbeat coming through the receiver. He whispers because his mind is too loud. He whispers and Iwaizumi knows he’s crying, that he’s holding his breath cause his body is dying from the inside out but forcing him to live through it all the same time. He hasn’t heard this scream since then, since those moments, of pain, and blood. Oikawa's broken body on the floor, against his chest. When hell was their only home. 

He can’t think of what it could be, he’s seen Oikawa lately, the small nervousness. Why didn’t he say something? He didn’t believe him, he didn’t want to. But it’s real. Are they here?  

He shoves the key into the ignition and turns it over, reversing and speeding as fast he can on the crowded streets to their apartment. Oikawa’s voice runs like a ghost's through the phone, sitting on the passenger’s seat, distant and broken. He keeps him there though, listening to his broken breath, his shaking. 

“Tooru! Hold, just hold on,” 

When he hits traffic he slams on the breaks and then the wheel. 

“FUCK!” 

The phone’s screen cracks just a bit when he grabs it. 

“I’m coming” Iwaizumi whispers one more time and opens the car door. 

He’s 5 kilometers away from Oikawa, and no car moves, so Iwaizumi begins to sprint. His lungs push and push all the air up before him, but the adrenaline keeps him moving. He feels nothing and no pain, but the tears still push down his cheeks and he hurdles and runs until is bones hurt. For a minute it’s like he’s back in the training camps, for the military, but even then, his pain was felt more now. Deep in his stomach, at the base of his ribcage a pain spreading like shards of glass. 

The door lays shut as Iwaizumi turns the key. No one’s come in. Iwaizumi dial’s Dr.Yaku. Oikawa’s sharp voice vibrating in the echo of the buildings, glass shattering and Iwaizumi speaks as he takes the stairs. 

“Hello?” 

“We need you- he’s panicking-” Iwaizumi doesn’t leave silence for him to respond in, but closes the phone and lets its thud on the floor blend into the panic of the background and present. 

“Tooru-” Iwaizumi bursts into the room, searching for Oikawa on the floor. His palms are pressed to his ears, his face red with gasping screams, trembling. Glass shards bare at his feet and knees, the mirror shattered and thrown around him. He trembles and rolls more, the glass digging again into his skin and blood seeps to the floor.  

“Tooru!” Iwaizumi lunges down and levels his face to Oikawa, the glass digging into him too now. 

“Tooru, I’m here-” He says like it’s supposed to fix anything like he’s a cure like he’s anything more than another trap. But still, he tries- because what else can he do, but try and cry with him. 

“Hey, look at me, look at me, I’m here-” Iwaizumi pulls him close to his chest but Oikawa pushes back, shaking his head, eyes closed mouth open.

“GET AWAY!” he tries to push and push but his hands slick with blood just slip over Iwaizumi’s skin. Iwaizumi lets him go and he shuffles away kicking his feet and pulling at his hair, the lights flashing like blades of white cutting his vision, the voices of the past blurring those of the present, every touch cold and sharp, invasive. Like the needles, the knives. He can feel them all, the coldness of their hands inside his body. He whispers, 

“I hate you- I hate you-” 

“Tooru-” It’s a whisper that opens to Oikawa.  

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi whispers again, moves slowly, stretches out a hand and Oikawa cowards, stretching his neck and holding his breath, the pillows popping on their bed letting the cotton filling spill over the seams. Iwaizumi pushes himself back, putting space between him and Oikawa. Oikawa shrinks and shrinks into the corner between the wall and the dresser. Iwaizumi lays on his stomach, wincing at the glass, but doesn’t back down. He leans on his arm and stretches out an arm, his fingers just touching Oikawa’s toes. They both wiggle and that’s how Iwaizumi knows. He’s not lost, he’s not broken, just hurting. He’s just hurting. 

“I hate you-” Oikawa whispers again.    
“I hate you-” The paint along the walls cracks and curls down towards the floor. 

“It’s okay, Dr.Yaku is on his way-” Iwaizumi says, his fingers wiggling and Oikawa’s toes along with them.    
“And until he does, I won't move a muscle, I’ll be right here.” 

The screaming has stopped, and the room makes no movement anymore, Oikawa only stares into the nothingness of his pain, stunted by it all and Iwaizumi sticks to his word. He doesn’t move a muscle.  

It’s been thirty minutes when another pair of feet sound up the stairs, echoing in the silence of desperate breathing. He still wears his lab coat, a silver briefcase in his hand. 

Oikawa lets his head roll on his shoulders, the tears spilling in different directions, dripping down his neck, filling the dip in his collarbone. He can barely hold his breath anymore, and the voices in his head, in his memories, in the visions, the white light, they’re louder and brighter; the world spins upside down with flashing colors of past terrors and screams, the most vibrant his blood dripping all down him, from every poor, he can feel it.  

He scraped his fingers across his skin, trying to scrape it away.  _ They’re back, they’re back- _

“I hate you-” Oikawa can’t wrap his mind around anything else. His heart thunders in its cage and he struggles to keep it locked in, to swallow and keep all inside as he falls apart. As he comes undone. 

“Dr.Yaku-” Iwaizumi whispers and moves his hand just enough to wave him over. Yaku approaches slowly, not willing to test the silence, crouching down next to Iwaizumi. He opens the briefcase. The silver lining coming undone and broken revealing the foam protection case of the two-inch syringe.  

“No-” Iwaizumi says and tries to close the case. The sudden movement startles Oikawa and the screaming begins again, but low and raspy, tired and raw from before.  

“We have to, he’s too dangerous, he has to be sedated.” Yaku makes his point but Iwaizumi knows it’ll only make it worse, he’ll feel betrayed, he’ll hate him. 

“There’s no other way-” 

“NO!” Iwaizumi shouts and Oikawa jumps again. His eyes open wide and he can see the room, but the lights are so bright he squints again and sucks in a dying breath, pressing back against the dresser and wall before looking away and pushing at them. 

“If-” Yaku says.  

“If there were another way, I’d offer it- but there isn’t,” Yaku offers Iwaizumi the needle. 

He stares at it for a moment, shaking his head, tears welling up and choking him. There’s no other choice he reminds himself. He slips his fingers through the rings of the syringe, letting and ignoring the flow of blood down his arms and a bit down his stomach.

Oikawa claws at his skin more, his nails digging into the flesh, blood and bruises rising to the surface, coloring him red and blue and purple pain both inside and out. He sees the syringe before Iwaizumi can take two steps, and begins to shake his head, his mind flashing in and out from the past to the present, colors and light blurred together, fighting for power but his eyes see the needle, the long thin fang ready to extract, puncture, bleed, perverse him more.  

“No-” Oikawa shakes his head, the words whispering through him. His fear chokes him against the dresser, pushing him back and freezes all thoughts. 

“No- No-” He shakes his head harder, 

Iwaizumi takes cautious steps closer, slowly, approaching with shaking limbs and regretful thoughts, his love trembling beneath his hand. He takes Oikawa in his arms and holds him steady, fighting off his swinging limbs, and his own sorrow. Oikawa screams.

“I’m sorry-” Iwaizumi cradles Oikawa. He wraps his arms around him pulls him tightly against his body. Oikawa claws at him, slapping his torso, trying to get away. 

“I’m sorry-” iwaizumi’s voice cracks. 

“I’m sorry,” 

Iwaizumi holds tight to Oikawa’s body, holding his own breath as he positions the needle over Oikawa’s neck. 

“I hate you-” Oikawa says it again before he screams and shakes them both as Iwaizumi pushes the syringe through his flesh, at the base of his neck, pressing the liquid into his bloodstream. 

“I hate you...” His body twitches and squirms for a moment before he vanishes with his whispers. His head rolls and his body grows heavy against Iwaizumi, falling limp. His world fading into nothing.

“I’m sorry-”   

“Forgive me.” He whispers. 

 

* * *

 

I know that you love me- 

“I’m sorry-”

Hajime? Oikawa’s mind is like mud, so heavy and black. 

“I’m sorry...”  

“Hajime...?” 

Oikawa lifts his head like a weight in his pillow, rolling it to look at Iwaizumi. His vision comes like fog, slowly and grey before the color flood all through him. Iwaizumi sits at his bedside, holding his breath and trying to dry tears just only seem to soak up more regret.  

“Hajime,” He says with a smile. His voice hurts like he’s swallowed nails. Hajime...

“I’m sorry-” Hajime can’t hear him. Oikawa tires to move, his hand wrapped in Iwaizumi’s, he squeezes Iwaizumi’s fingers to his palm. 

“Tooru!” Hajime looks up both smiling and crying more. 

“Tooru, I’m sorry-” He speaks easily and Oikawa lets his voice fill his brain like syrup in the air.    
“Tooru?” 

Oikawa smiles again and reaches a hand up to Iwaizumi’s cheek, and he leans into the palm. He sees he’s shirtless, bandages wrapped around his arms and torso. The guilt filling up his throat. He smiles, closing his eyes, and focusing on Iwaizumi, on his cells and blood and heat, on his energy and the soul that Oikawa depends on. 

Iwaizumi presses a palm on top of Oikawa’s hand.

“Tooru what-” He can feel his skin moving and healing, the heated pain of Oikawa’s power familiar. 

He opens his eyes again before he drifts back into the darkness again, smiling.  

“I love you.” 

Iwaizumi tries to catch his breath in the tears that keep flowing, but they just keep coming and coming, the sobs and the guilt. Oikawa gives a tug at iwaizumi’s jaw and Iwaizumi lets him pull their heads together, rubbing noses and letting their eyes slip closed. 

“It’s okay.”

“I forgive you”

“I forgive you, Hajime.” 

The night is dark and full of silence them wrapped in its chill, left alone together. Only the lights behind them, watchfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's baaaaack (for the summer at least)!!! I'm really sorry I've been absent. Hope you enjoy,  
> Thanks for Reading!!! Don't forget to leave Kudos!!!! More on the way soon!!
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> PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!
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> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	6. Home is in Your Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the incident of yesterday, Oikawa is left with heaps of anxiety, alone in the house, falling apart.

The next day comes rapidly and without caution, with Iwaizumi needing to remain in routine and Oikawa able to find an excuse. Neither wished to be alone. But Iwaizumi’s office was no place for Oikawa’s fragile strength.

They both watch the clock, miles apart, in wait of the other, across the city, just moments apart in a hopeful breath; they wish desperately for time to fall apart.

  


_Dear Bokuto,_

 

_I fear I’m getting worse. I panicked, and I feel deranged. It was a small lapse and Yaku, my doctor, says I was very impressive with how I tried to control myself, and that one small set back does not mean I’m breaking again. Yet- I feel more broken now than I did in the beginning._

_It’s like I can feel the cracks in my bones and skin but no mirror reflects my shatteredness, I’m broken but don’t know where. I try to hold hope, that what I thought I saw were only visions of paranoia, but I can’t help feel that they were real. Iwaizumi saw them, he saw them when we ate lunch, the same men, the same suits, and I am incapable of feeling energy that is not there. But still, I feel insane and wrong._

_Iwaizumi is doing all he can to comfort me, to hold me close and secure my thoughts, but you cannot tame the sea in all its wildness. I feel too much like an abstract thing. Have you ever felt like that? Like you’re created, but not you, not a person, not a thing, only a something._

_I’m not doing well, but hopefully, the future will come with better visions. How is the tribe? Akaashi? Your research? I’m sorry I’m not responding to your previous letter, but I simply don’t know how in my present thought fog. Hope is all is well,_  


_With love,_

_Tooru Oikawa_

  


Oikawa folds up the letter, and slips it through the portal cube, watching the colors dance and play as they drink up his words and paper and fade, his message carried. The morning has dimmed into the afternoon haze and clouds, November chilling their apartment to the floorboards and paint bubbles on the wall.

He’s filled to the brim with thoughts too thick to read, and all just feels heavy. His guilt presses down on his shoulders and Oikawa rubs his neck to try and relieve its pressure but his heart still pulls on them.

Tracing the cracks in the ceiling. He watches and waits, and listens and breathes, laid out on the bed. His muscles feel tight and he tries to relax to let go, but all he feels is shame, waiting for it to fade, for a letter, for advice for anything but the silence he can’t chase away.

His books bore him. So he puts them on his shelf.

He rearranges the shelf. Then puts it back how it was.

He watches the portal. He plays with the colors, sticking his finger through and trying to see past it. He can’t see anything.

He holds his breath and lets it out.

He counts his fingers.

He counts the seconds and watches the clock hands.

He plays music but the song is soundless.

He walks his halls.

Counts his steps.

He reads the labels of his shampoo.

He turns all the lights out and closes all the curtains, he runs his fingers along the wall feeling the bumps in the paint until his fingers burn and he pulls them away and presses them to his lips to feel their heat.

He paces the hall, in and out of the bathroom.

He stares at the white tub, the paint peeling at one corner until he strips his clothes from his body and crawls inside and sits down.

He sits down and turns on the water and lets it soak him.

He turns the knob from hot to cold, from the steaming water to the chilling one feeling the change, waking his skin, until he’s shivering and then screaming and again shivering.  

He leaves the water cold and lies on the bottom feeling the burn of the rhythm on his chest beat faster and faster and the skin reddens and he runs his fingers over his soft belly feeling the small pale scars of past tortures. He rubs and rubs then sits and sits and without anything more to do, he lets everything breathe.

He shivers and gasps letting the tears run deep ridges down his cheeks and add warmth to his face among the broken and shattered shower drops; he blinks and blinks them away trying to see in the rain of pain and shame running from his face mixing with the water on his body.

He lets the hush of the running water cover his small sobs until his body has nothing more to feel but the empty weight of nothingness. Then he turns it off, the water, the rain the tears and if only the pain, the dark so comforting.

A letter comes through the portal, he hears and lets it sit there.

 

* * *

        

“I know sir-”

“Anthony-”

“I’m sorry sir” Iwaizumi has his head bowed apologizing for the day before, trying his best to be sincere.

“Anthony!”

“Yes, sir-”

“Shut up” Henry surprises him and Iwaizumi pops up, looking at his boss. He sighs and presses his fingers to his forehead.

“Just get back to work, and next time if you have to leave in an emergency just wave a hand at me before leaping over desks.”

Iwaizumi sits at his desk with his back straight and his breath clenched in his lungs between his teeth and pressed to every nerve as he glances at the phone every other moment, typing with chicken fingers, one letter at a time. The phone never rings. Iwaizumi runs through every moment in his head of yesterday, of his sprint and Oikawa’s call, and the breath almost beating against his ear, the shadows he saw but could register. It was all fast but he was not alone when he had arrived. There’s more at the edge of their tomorrow and it’s only making Iwaizumi more anxious to get home. Hours pass and the morning turns to noon and after then evening cast orange hues across their windows and Henry waves everyone goodnight.

Iwaizumi lets loose a sigh between his lips and grabs his phone trying not to sprint down the stairs, trying to act normal.

“Hey Anthony-” Jeremy calls from his desk, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Those were some crazy moves you pulled the other day-”

“Oh, yeah, it- it was kinda-”

“You do like karate or something?”

“Yeah- something” Iwaizumi rubs the back of his neck, backing down the stairs and waving before Jeremy can ask something else.

“Okay- well bye!” He waves after him as Iwaizumi’s legs move faster down the stairs and Jeremy hears the ding of the elevator behind him.

Iwaizumi checks his phone several times before he gets to his truck. Yaku was kind enough to pick it up from the road once they got Oikawa calm and in bed. Iwaizumi dials Oikawa’s cell, but he doesn’t pick up, and Iwaizumi waits until after his message tone rings to hang up, listening to his voice, soft and almost happy.

He calls 2 more times, but each time there’s nothing.

Iwaizumi finally throws the phone on the passenger’s seat, putting the car in gear and moving forward. Traffic isn’t light that evening, as the work rush hastily drive home in all directions. He checks his phone 5 more times before he’s finally able to turn onto his street. The 5 kilometers he ran yesterday take 20 minutes to drive in the car and traffic, and yet it feels longer than his sprint.

The road isn’t empty when he turns, the back alley to their apartment occupied by a black van. Iwaizumi stops at the end of the alley. He’s always parked his car here, and he’s never seen that van. He leans against the wheel trying to peer through their windows. There’s a man in a suit, black glasses covering his eyes, in the driver's seat. They make eye contact, and the headlights come on. The van backs out of the alley and drives away.

Iwaizumi’s pulled from his thoughts of the van by his thoughts of Oikawa. The overbearing silence from their window almost as horrifying as yesterday’s screams. It’s no different in the house when he reaches the door. The creek of the hinges filling some of the corners in the room.

“Tooru?” Iwaizumi speaks out into the shade, searching for anything. He moves towards the hum of the shower by their bedroom. The sounds of his feet, of the stairs, of his breath, all feel intrusive and too loud, in the company of Oikawa’s silence. The house sits cold and holding its breath, waiting, for something- for someone, it seemed.

“Tooru?” Iwaizumi whispers again, but Oikawa still doesn’t answer. He presses gently on the wood of the bathroom door, opening it slowly and looking into the bathroom. The curtain is pulled back, and all Iwaizumi can see as his eye gaze over the shower head is the running water flowing down the walls and sprinkling onto the floor outside. He follows the flow of the water down to the tub and catches sight of Oikawa. At first his heart slams against his ribcage, he’s fallen, and he needs help, but then, Oikawa’s fingers move in circles on the base of the tub.

“Tooru...?” Iwaizumi looks down at him.

There were these moments, in the beginning, when Oikawa was nothing but pain, curled and bleeding away like colors. All Iwaizumi could do was watch.

He sighs, looking at the time, feeling the emptiness in the house and how it’s depleting everything. He reaches into the tub and turns off the water, Oikawa not making any notice that he did. His finger, just circling, around and around on the tub.

Iwaizumi presses his fingers to Oikawa’s side, where the water was hitting, where it’s red and worn down. It’s cold.

“Okay, time to get out.” He says, patting his hand on Oikawa’s hip.

He turns and grabs a towel off the rack and throws in over Oikawa’s body, reaching under it and cradling him out of the tub and into his arms. Oikawa relaxes into Iwaizumi’s arms, his palm pressed to Iwaizumi’s chest, across his heart, where he’s always the warmest. His head leans on his shoulder, and his body curves around Iwaizumi. It’s familiar, and Oikawa pulls closer to feel his warmth, to be home.

Iwaizumi steps lightly through the house, carrying Oikawa out of the bathroom and down the hall to their room. The setting sun looks in on them through the windows, the glow of it’s horizon painting the walls orange and red. The room is warm and smells heavily of them, both migled together.

He sets Oikawa on the bed, head cradled in the pillow, body bare against the sheets. Using the towel, Iwaizumi dries him off, rubbing down his body.

“You wanna stay like this or do you want Pajamas?” Iwaizumi kneels down and brushes strands of hair out of Oikawa’s eyes, looking into their deep earthy brown.

“Pajamas-” Oikawa’s voice is almost too soft to hear, but Iwaizumi manages and nods. He shuffles over to the dresser, still trying to keep quiet for Oikawa’s sake, to keep his world still and calm. He pulls out an old T-shirt of his own, and some underwear and brings them to the bed.

“Come on, I need to sitting up.” he tugs a bit on Oikawa’s arm, letting him push himself to a sitting position.

“Are you hungry?” Iwaizumi asks him questions while he pulls the shirt over Oikawa’s head and fitting the underwear around his ankles. He doesn’t answer

“Well I’m going to make some pasta, pull up your underwear and I’ll bring our bowls here.”

He steps away just a bit but stops at the touch of Oikawa’s hand on his fingertips, their fingers curling into one another.

“Can you just make leftovers?” He doesn’t look up at Iwaizumi but his hand grows tighter on Iwaizumi’s.

“Hm, I think we have some leftovers in the fridge, I guess I could just throw those in the microwave,” Iwaizumi squeezes Oikawa’s hand back, a smile tilting at his lips.   
“I’ll be back in 4 minutes, I promise.” He says, and for a moment Oikawa’s hand doesn’t budge, but then it loosens and Oikawa’s head nods.

“I’ll be right back-”

Iwaizumi rushes down the stairs, and opens the fridge for the leftovers, pulling the tubs out and throwing them in the microwave. He sets the timer for 4 minutes. The house still sounds empty, but lighter, even as the sun sets, he can see from the 6th stair, Oikawa moving about the room. Pulling up his underwear and reaching in the drawer for his fuzzy socks, and searching for a book on their shelf. His face still grim, deep with stains of pain and tears. It’s the aftermath of yesterday, of relapsing, and hurting someone you love. But his heart, his heart is still warm, and that means he’s here, Oikawa’s still here.

The timer beeps and Iwaizumi leaps from the stairs, shuffling over to the bowls grabbing them hot and ready, stuffing forks in and bringing them up the stairs. Oikawa’s sitting cross legged on the bed, fiddling to put on his socks. Iwaizumi sets the food on the side table.

“You always did love these-”

He wraps his fingers around one and Oikawa gives it up, letting Iwaizumi slip it on his foot, and then the other. The emptiness in the house bares down on his shoulders and Oikawa can't help but shake in everything he does. He’s alone in all he does. But this warmth, this warmth, feels nice.

“Hey-” Iwaizumi cups Oikawa’s cheek, pulling up his chin, meeting his eyes.

“I’m here- you’re not alone.”

“Iwa-”

“I’m-” the tears start flowing before anything can pass his lips and Iwaizumi already knows what to do.

“I know- I know.”

He pulls him close into his arms and pressing his nose to the side of his head, breathing in his scent like it’s evaporating before him. He’s still here. He’s still here but Iwaizumi feels like he’s lost and he’ll do anything to help Oikawa find his way.

“I know”

They eat their dinner slowly and in silence, holding their breath for one another, until their bowls are empty. They don’t turn on the television, like they would. When they’re done, Oikawa sets his bowl on the table and then just falls back onto the bed.

Iwaizumi doesn’t ask about the book, but pulls back the comforter for Oikawa and pulls it up to his shoulder. He stays close while he undresses, watching as Oikawa plays with the corner of the pillow, twirling and pulling at it. It’s like he’s both got too many thoughts and no thoughts at all, but Iwaizumi can’t seem to know what they are.

“Scooch-” he whispers when he slips into bed, Oikawa complying, moving closer to the center of the bed, giving Iwaizumi room to lay next to him.  

They curl into each other, Oikawa wrapping his arm around Iwaizumi’s waist and resting his head on his chest. It’s been so long, since Iwaizumi’s done this, but he knows what Oikawa wants.

He picks up the book from the bed and looks at the title. It’s a children's book from a garage sale Oikawa saw one day, he bought it because he liked the picture on the cover, the little boy standing on the moon. Iwaizumi reads the title out loud, squeezing tight onto Oikawa’s hand.

“The Little Prince” and he flips to the first page.

“They’re coming” Oikawa speaks before Iwaizumi starts, and Iwaizumi thinks he knows what he means, but he says nothing, and just begins to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading!!! Don't forget to leave Kudos!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


	7. Because You Set Me Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi decides he needs to be home for Oikawa, it's an eventful day, but one with many joys.

“Stop- please-” his nails dig into Iwaizumi’s skin, the vile liquid dripping into his veins, clouding everything,    
“Please!” Nothing changes, only the warmth in Iwaizumi’s skin, gone, frozen under Oikawa’s touch. Oikawa tries to push away from him, it couldn’t be him, it's not him. 

“It’s not you- this isn’t you- WHO ARE YOU!” He pushes and pushes and Iwaizumi holds tights opening his mouth until his face can’t be seen, the sides of his cheeks ripping open and darkness bleeding out of him.

“HAJIME!” 

“TOORU-” 

Oikawa gasps for breath, his throat raw again.   
“No- NO!” 

“Tooru WAKE UP!” he opens his eyes and stares up into Iwaizumi’s face, the moonlight falling in through the window and onto their bodies. Oikawa feels the weight of Iwaizumi above him, the pressure on his wrists as he’s pinned to the bed. Iwaizumi sighs and lets his head drop to Oikawa’s chest.

“You scared me.” it grows wet, the skin beneath Iwaizumi’s cheeks, dripping into the gap between Oikawa’s stomach and chest. 

“It was just a dream, you’re okay-” his hands loosen and release Oikawa’s wrists, moving beneath his waist, his arms wrapping around him. Oikawa stairs up at the ceiling, feeling Iwaizumi’s movements. He’s warm. He’s real. 

“I’m sorry-” and Oikawa wipes away at his cheeks, the rain coming down with clouds of pain. 

“Don’t be,” Iwaizumi mumbles into Oikawa’s stomach, his speech vibrating up his chest.

“But I am-”   
“I know, but it’s okay, it’s okay for you to be in pain,” Iwaizumi whispers, holding tighter. Oikawa nods, lifting a hand to reach out for him. His hair is soft tonight, free of the gel he uses, soft and shaggy.    
“Why- why are you holding me like this?” Oikawa can’t bring himself to move, out of the warmth of Iwaizumi, out of the home he creates between his arms. 

“So you feel safe,” 

“I’m sorry-”   
“Stop-” 

“No!... you're hurt aren’t you.” Oikawa knows he is because in his dream he- he was- so he must- he must have scratches too. 

“Sit up,”

“Tooru...” 

“Sit UP Hajime!” Oikawa doesn’t want him to hide it, he knows he’s hurting him, but what use is he if he can’t fix it. Iwaizumi listens to him, sitting up and rolling off of Oikawa. There are scratch marks along his rib cage, shallow scratches red and soar. But it still hurts to see them, to know the missing skin in under Oikawa’s nails.    
“Come here-” Oikawa tugs on Iwaizumi’s arm, sitting up on his knees to heal him. Like always, he presses a palm to Iwaizumi’s ribs, closing his eyes and breathing, focusing on the cells growing, on the wound closing. He feels it heat up and then disappear. 

He lets his hands drop, slipping back under the blanket. 

“There, now just stay over there.” 

“Hey-” Iwaizumi reaches out, but Oikawa shrugs off his touch. 

“Don’t touch me- just go to sleep.” 

“What?” 

“Tooru stop this-” Iwaizumi doesn’t reach out again, respecting Oikawa’s wish, but hating it all the more. 

“Why don’t you stop- why do you keep doing this. All you do is get hurt so just- just stay away.” 

“NO!” Iwaizumi says but he stops, Oikawa looking over his shoulder cutting him off.

“YES! Don’t you see? I’m dangerous! All I do is hurt you,” He turns towards Iwaizumi, his brow scrunching up and his eyes growing swollen, he can feel the sobs beginning to choke him.

“I’m never going to leave you-” Iwaizumi sits up on his knees finally reaching out for Oikawa’s shoulders.    
“Even if you push me away, I’ll always be here, until the day you say you don’t love me!”

“And what if I don’t?” Oikawa lashes out, his words carving deeper wounds than a bullet once did. He swallows the ball in his throat, trying not to regret his lie. But knowing well he does. 

“I mean how could I, why, how-how could you love me.” he sinks back into his palm, supporting him on the mattress. Iwaizumi holds his breath, taking in more and more until he can’t anymore. He lets it out as the tears stop flowing, knowing it’s a lie. 

“Come here-” Iwaizumi opens space where Oikawa usually sleeps for him to crawl into again. Oikawa doesn’t resist this time, just listens. He shuffles closer to Iwaizumi, letting his arm wrap around him and the other brush away the tears still staining his cheeks. 

“You have no idea how much I love you- and you want to know why?” Oikawa looks away as he speaks, settling into Iwaizumi’s warmth.     
“Do you know the exact moment I fell in love with you?” 

Oikawa shakes his head, still not looking Iwaizumi in the eyes. Iwaizumi lifts a finger to Oikawa’s chin, lifting it to meet his gaze.    
“It was the moment I looked deeply into your eyes.” Neither one of them looks away as Iwaizumi’s hand moves from Oikawa’s chin to his cheek. He leans into Iwiazumi’s touch, his brow narrowing again. 

“Who I saw was someone just as afraid as me, but stronger, because you were fighting back.” 

“You weren’t the only one saved when we escaped from that place, you saved me the moment we first met eyes and set me free.” The tears well up again, in both their eyes, regret and pain mixed with the salt.

“I’m sorry-” Oikawa says again, and he feels like a child, creating stupid problems, unable to do anything but apologize.

“And Tooru?” Oikawa looks up at him again. 

“Every scar is worth it if it means loving and protecting you.” Oikawa nods, pressing a palm to Iwaizumi’s chest. His heart erratic beneath his skin. 

“Don’t ever doubt that.” 

Oikawa nods, sucking in a breath and pressing closer again to Iwaizumi’s chest. He’s wrapped in Iwaizumi’s warmth, his arms pulling him as close as possible breathing in Oikawa’s scent and sliding comfortably together. 

“Can I kiss you now?” Iwaizumi whispers as quietly as possible. They’re only visible to each other by moonlight but each sees the other clearer than ever. Oikawa nods, smiling. 

Their lips are warm pressed together salty with the leftover taste of their tears. They hold each other until each drift off to sleep, Oikawa first, snuggled into Iwaizumi’s chest, and Iwaizumi resting his cheek on his head.   

 

* * *

“Psst, wake up” He’s so warm, his breath pressed so close to Oikawa’s cheek, he doesn’t know if it’s a dream or real. The light floods in from beneath the curtains, their bed warm and pressed with their forms. Morning encroaches on their dreams and for a moment Oikawa’s forgotten the day and only knows morning.  

“Mmm,” Oikawa turns into Iwaizumi’s chest pulling him closer. His fingers glide across the small blond hairs of Iwaizumi’s side, the muscle hard under Oikawa’s palm.  

“Tooru...” Iwaizumi whispers again, Oikawa’s eyes fight to open, head resting on the pillow. Iwaizumi looks behind him at the clock, 9 am when he should be at work. 

“Come on sleepy head,” Iwaizumi shakes, Oikawa groans again, moving closer, holding tighter. 

“Nooo.”

“Hahaha-” He really wants to stay in bed.

“Hhhhh, I’ll get breakfast...” Iwaizumi sighs, and Oikawa nods, loosening his hold on his waist. Iwaizumi flips the covers off of him.

“Ehhhmmmm” Oikawa groans, pushing the cover off of his face.    
“Well then get up-” Iwaizumi laughs, pulling it off of Oikawa as he gets up. But Oikawa doesn’t budge, lying curled up on the bed. Iwaizumi just shakes his head as he pulls on a pair of shorts over his boxers. 

The room has been warmed by the sun as he walks across the wood floors, their heater having started up in the night. The light streams in between the curtains and grows across the walls as Iwaizumi strips the windows of their covering, pushing the curtains to the side. The late November air, almost December snow, streaming in under the crack of the window. 

“Mmmm-” Oikawa hides from the light by burying his face into Iwaizumi’s pillow, flattening his body onto this stomach. 

“Yeah yeah... huhuh.” Iwaizumi ignores Oikawa’s cries, shuffling towards the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth. When he passes through the door frame he stumbles into Oikawa’s clothes pushed to the corner yesterday. He hasn’t picked them up yet, Iwaizumi sighs again and bends to grab them, taking them back to the room and to the hamper next to the desk. When he sets them in the hamper he notices the portal cube open, a letter half taken out of it. He slips it out of the portal and sees the intent, from Bokuto. 

“There’s a letter from Bokuto for you,” He whispers and sets it on their side table, leaving Oikawa to it.

When his teeth are finally clean and his bladder empty Iwaizumi skips down the stairs to the kitchen, mentally listing the options for breakfast.  

“Well, I guess something simple would be fine.” He mumbles to himself while opening the fridge for the cream cheese and cinnamon bagels.    
“And something sweet to cheer him up,” 

He pops them into the toaster before getting the coffee started, when his phone dings on the counter. Oikawa can hear Iwaizumi shuffling through the apartment as his brain dawns open and awake. He still feels tired but he sits up in bed, scratching at the dried tears at the corner of his eyes, left over from last night. Light shining in through the window is brighter than it usually is for Iwaizumi’s usual wake up time. 

Oikawa’s bones are stiff when he moves out, sliding his feet to the floor, his knees cracking the sound small. The yawn in the back of his throat makes his eyes heavy again, his mouth opening and everything expanding as he breathes in the icy air. A tear bubbles at the corner of his eyes until he rubs it away and sees the letter sitting on the table. He picks it up, the corners rigid from sitting in the cold. He unfolds it, the creases whining as he does letting free the letters painted on the page. 

 

_ Hellooooooo Tooru,  _

 

_ I’m so sorry, to hear that you’re in such distress, your thoughts must be tearing you apart by now. You were always one to punish yourself harshly, even when you were a child. I can’t tell you that I’ve ever felt as broken as you have, because of course, I am not you, but I can tell you I have been broken. When I was trapped, in that place, I lost sense of myself, as a person as a living thing, I only felt like a tool. I was empty for many years. That is until I met Akaashi, he was the one who brought back my hope. It frustrates me that I’m not able to help you any more than this, but I’ll tell you; we must first shatter until we are unrecognizable to become something new and stronger, that is how art is made. Don’t let go of the one you love Tooru, never let him go because he is your greatest strength and he will help you to hope.  _

_ Akaashi says hello, and wishes you’d come to visit, he brought a new baby into the world yesterday, an adorable little girl, she’s got the most amazing eyes, like the stars. You’d love her, she almost reminds me of you.  _

 

_ Always here, Bokuto  _

 

Oikawa folds the letter back up, opening the table drawer to slip it in. He’s happy Bokuto is back in his life, these letters, remind him that it’s not a dream, that he did survive, and that he really is free. With a sigh, he pushes to his feet, pulling his arms across his chest to stretch out the muscle. The shirt he’s wearing still smells of Iwaizumi, and he brings the collar up to his nose, so he can breathe it in. Like home.  

His face feels sticky after he brushes his teeth, the oil from the night sitting on his skin. Oikawa bends down under the sink and grabs his face soap Iwaizumi bought him, that smells like cherry blossoms and honey. The cold water wakes him up a bit more washing away the broken and dried tears leaving him feeling fresh.    
“Like a kumquat...” Oikawa speaks to his reflection bobbing his head from side to side, his eyes closed. 

Iwaizumi leans on the door frame watching Oikawa’s hair bounce as he wobbles his head, knowing he feels fresh.  

“Ahem-” Iwaizumi clears his throat. Oikawa jumps and snaps his eyes open, gasping with a hand to his chest. His cheeks rise up into a pink flush that circles to this ears.    
“Iwa-chan...” 

It’s these moments Iwaizumi falls all over again for Oikawa, the moments he knows he can’t live a day without him. Forever exists in seconds like these. 

“Sorry- I brought breakfast...”   
“For a fresh Kumquat-” Iwaizumi snickers and Oikawa scowls, wiping his towel at Iwaizumi.    
“Mean Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whines and Iwaizumi laughs harder. He brings the bagels into their bedroom, placing the plates on the bed before stuffing a bagel half in his mouth. He drops his pants, the bagel still in his mouth when Oikawa walks in the room. He whips the towel at Iwaizumi’s ass, slapping his right cheeks.    
“WYOW!!” Iwaizumi snaps up and mumbles through the cream cheese rubbing a palm to his butt.    
“That’s what you get,” Oikawa says   
“Eh HEy!?” Iwaizumi whines as Oikawa pulls the bagel half from Iwaizumi’s lips and takes a bite out of it himself; a smile creeping onto his lips. He tries to walk away but Iwaizumi keeps him from it, pulling him back

“Not so fast, thief!” Iwaizumi exclaims, and takes the bagel back, biting into next to Oikawa’s bite.    
“Oh! But now it’s sweeter-” 

“Then maybe you should be thanking me” Oikawa teases jutting out his chin, his lips pursed.

“Mmm? Should I? Then...” he leans forward and tilts his head, pressing his lips to Oikawa’s dipping him slightly. 

“Thank you- my love; you taste ever so sweet,” Iwaizumi whispers, and takes another bite from the bagel, now half gone. Oikawa’s grin shrinks to a warm smile that heats up his skin as he steps away from Iwaizumi. He plops down on the bed, taking another bagel from the plate and shoving it in his mouth. He follows the cracks on the ceiling with his eyes like always as he chews. 

“Don’t you have work?” Oikawa tilts his head back and looks at the digital clock reading the numbers upside down. It’s past 9 am. 

“Took the day off, so we could go out.”  Iwaizumi speaks as he wraps his towel around his waist and picks up another bagel half.

“Really?” Oikawa almost doesn’t believe him, 

“Yup- so why don’t you come shower with me and we’ll get going.” Iwaizumi rips another bite from the bagel, his smile a little too devious. Oikawa’s cheeks flush again and his smile brightens, it’s been a while since they’ve spent the day only for each other, no therapy, no work, just them and their racing hearts. 

“Well, are you coming?” Iwaizumi shouts from the bathroom and Oikawa downs the last bite of his bagel, tugging off his shirt as he does.

 

* * *

 

The crowds converge in front of the steps, the museum’s grand entrance rising up behind them. 

“The Museum of Natural History? Really Hajime”   
“Shhhhhh- fake names, remember?” 

“Soooory... Really Andrewwwww?” Oikawa teases Iwaizumi as he’s tugged along up the stairs. When they first landed in an open field in New York they immediately rushed to the hospital, and afterward were focused on Iwaizumi’s recovery and their identities they never came out into the city. 

“Shut up, it’ll be fun, and... It’s Anthony, not Andrew” 

“Shit reallY?” Oikawa presses his lips into a line to keep from laughing his eyes held tight holding it all back.    
“Excuse me, ma'am, could you take a picture of us?” Iwaizumi asks a woman with a stroller as she passes. She agrees with a nod and a smile, reaching out for Iwaizumi’s phone, but he digs in Oikawa’s pocket for his. 

She holds up the second-rate touch phone, angling it to get the museum in the background. Oikawa still stands laughing, head leaning on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, who stands tall smiling as she takes the picture. She takes about 3 pictures as they laugh before handing back the phone.

“Thank you-” Iwaizumi tells her and shoves Oikawa’s phone in his pocket.    
“Hey, that’s mine-”    
“I know but I’m gonna take pictures of you, so I’ll keep it.” 

“Ahhh...” Oikawa raises his eyebrows. He tucks his hands into his pockets, hiding them from the cold air. The trees shiver in the breeze, but the bronze statue in front of the museum stands strong, old snow fitting into the corner of the horse’s ears. It looks straight ahead, to the horizon, and Oikawa follows it’s line of sight. Towards the park and trees, and everything beyond. He closes his eyes and listens to the everyone breathing, to their mumbled chatter, and the boy begging for a hot dog down the street, the puppy sniffing about and all the world moving. He recognizes none of it, but the simple chaotic energy of life in existence around him. It’s reassuring.        
“Shall we?” Iwaizumi asks and offers his arm to Oikawa. He looks down at it and takes a breath of cold air before accepting it with a small smile. Together they climb the steps to the overlooking pillars and banners, paying the entrance fee and shedding their coats. As they walk under the entrance archway Oikawa watches the ceiling grow higher and expand into the massive building, exposing the bone structure commanding attention in the center. 

“You wanna check your coat?” Iwaizumi asks, tugging on Oikawa’s fingers and he looks back. Iwaizumi is shedding his coat and rolling it up to put in his bag.    
“Can you fit mine in there?” Oikawa asks, sliding an arm out, and Iwaizumi looks down at the small backpack already stuffed, 

“I don’t think so, But I can tie it around my waist if you don’t wanna hold it?” He puts out his hand as he slings his bag over his shoulder.    
“No, that’s okay, I can tie it around mine.” 

The building is warm inside as they begin their trek through its halls, the corridors decorated with historical facts and plaques for directions. They wander for a few moments before Iwaizumi tugs at Oikawa’s hand again pointing in the direction of a large blue sign on the other side of the room. Oikawa squints at it, the words on the board too far to be clear, their blurry lines growing sharper as they walk closer. 

“Rose Center for Earth and Space?” Oikawa whispers and his lips grow wider as he does, his smile brightening. He strides under the sign pulling Iwaizumi along by the hand.    
“Thought you’d enjoy this-” 

“Are you kidding- I’ve been dying to see the stars since that night” 

When the desert sand was their only bed, and the stars were painted above in every color. When they had found Bokuto. And when they were free? They came here, where the stars were rivaled with the building lights, and paled to only darkness. 

The room is cluttered with people, panels along the wall detail information about the stars and galaxies, and the room spirals upward and supports the large spherical planetarium suspended above their heads. Oikawa releases Iwaizumi’s hand for just a moment while he takes in the circular room. 

Iwaizumi, as Oikawa slowly spins, pulls out the phone from his pocket, turning on the camera. And as Oikawa moves back to Iwaizumi, the photo stays frozen in the past, to a moment both can remember. 

“Come here-” Iwaizumi pulls Oikawa to the side, towards a large asteroid standing off center. 

“Stand in front of it-” he tells him, and Oikawa complies, positioning himself in front of the asteroid, itching to reach out and touch it. Iwaizumi captures this picture as Oikawa gazes at the object his smile small but honest. 

They continue to wander about, with Iwaizumi behind the camera, and occasionally in front of as Oikawa forces him. Every now and then taking a few selfies, with Oikawa winking at the camera. 

It was while Oikawa was taking a picture of him that he saw it, the poster for the star show. 

“Hey look at that-” Iwaizumi points out as Oikawa finishes taking the photo. He nods at the poster behind Oikawa as he takes back the camera, glancing at the photo. 

“Awk- a star show?” Oikawa’s eyes light up at the poster’s words and nods at Iwaizumi.    
“I wanna go!”

“Hehe, okay, I’ll go buy some tickets.” Iwaizumi chuckles,

“Wait here-” 

Oikawa nods and begins to read another plaque with information about the planets. The colors are always his favorite, how they paint the images, vibrantly and with life; it reminds him of energy, how he sees it when he looks, how it all feels, moving and alive, with lots of colors; billions upon billions of colors. 

When he finishes the plaque he turns to watch the people, seeing Iwaizumi’s still standing in line. It's her whimper that catches his ear first. She’s small in the center of all the people, moving about her. Her yellow frilly top and blue leggings standing out in the hordes of grey and dark blue coats. Her palms pressed to her eyes. 

He walks up to her slowly, crouching down so she doesn’t have to look up. 

“Hey little one, are you lost?” He speaks in a small whisper like it’s a secret.

She looks up with big brown eyes just like his, searching for something familiar. 

“Did you lose your person?” 

“I lose my mommy,” She says and her lip begins to tremble again, so he extends a hand.    
“You want me to help you find her?” He asks, and for a moment he thinks she’ll run away, that she’ll see through him and refuse. But her fingers are small in her hand when she reaches out, and it shocks him. As if his eyes were closed. 

“Okay, I need you to think really hard about your mommy, can you do that for me?” 

She nods, a tear still slipping into the crease between her lips as she closes her eyes. She presses them tightly together until a wrinkle forms on her forehead, between her eyebrows. Oikawa closes his eyes too. 

He focuses on the child on her color and form, she flows like water but comes with an unexpected spark. Her energy young and sparking. When he can feel her energy deeply he searches the rest of the room, and expands out until a similar pattern expresses itself, a dulled out spark that beats with the same rhythm as hers. 

When he finds it, he opens his eyes and smiles at the little girl who’s already looking up at him. 

“I think I found her-”   
“Need some help?” Iwaizumi says from behind them, sitting on the floor. 

“Yeah, could you stay with her, her mother’s around the corner,” and Iwaizumi nods. 

Oikawa hands the girls hand to Iwaizumi who crouches down next to her as well. 

“Stay with him okay, he’ll protect you while I go get your mommy.” 

She nods without looking away, her eyes following him into the crowd, her hand placed in Iwaizumi’s large palm. 

“Don’t worry, he’ll find your mommy, he’s really good at helping people,” he tells her, and she nods, her eyes still on the crowd. 

Oikawa moves through the crowd towards the entrance coming from the butterfly pavilion, looking for the energy he was just seeing a moment ago, near the drinking fountain talking to the larger energy. She’s exactly as he saw her when he turns the corner, talking to a security guard, her eyes just as brown as the little girl’s, looking for something familiar. 

“Excuse me?” He butts into her sentence and she turns. 

“Did you lose a little girl in blue tights?” and the woman almost falls over in her nod, reaching out to him and he reaches out to support her. 

“I found her in the space area, she’s there with my boyfriend now-” 

Her eyes are almost overflowing with tears but she follows calmly as he helps her to the space area. The little girl is still where he left her, looking down at hers and Iwaizumi’s hands, giggling. 

“There-” He points at her and the mother’s tears finally fall over, streaming down her cheeks. 

“Madeline” She chokes and the little girl perks up at her name, running to her mother. Iwaizumi looks up as well, his grin diming to warm smile.

“Oh thank you, thank you so much” 

The mother reaches out and touches both of them on the arm, holding her little girl in her arms, close to her heart. 

“Of course,” Oikawa says, and the mother smiles again waving goodbye with one last thank you. 

The little girl watches over her mother’s shoulder as Oikawa and Iwaizumi get farther from her and reaches out a hand waving goodbye.

“Byyyye” Oikawa waves in the same manner as Iwaizumi wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him close. He watches his own hand wave goodbye and flips it over when he’s down, the feeling of her hand in his still there in his palm. He could feel them all, the energies, and he helped her, find her mother.  

“You’re amazing- you know that right?” Iwaizumi says close to Oikawa’s ear,

“Yeah yeah, did you get the tickets!?” He perks up at the memory of the star show, drumming his fingers together. 

“It’s true though-” Iwaizumi hands them over and Oikawa takes them with a squeal. 

“Let's go, it’s starting soon.” 

Oikawa takes Iwaizumi by the hand and pulls as hard as he can, towards the stairs up to the second floor, and the entrance to the planetarium. The line has already dwindled down to a few as the join, Oikawa almost unable to contain his excitement.

The line dwindles quickly as Oikawa becomes more and more giddy, the stars waiting on the other side of the wall. Handing in their tickets Oikawa grabs Iwaizumi and drags him in to find seats.

“Okay, calm down-”   
“No!” Oikawa says straight, and Iwaizumi holds back a laugh, checking his watch for the time. It reads 2:13, and the show starts at 2:15 when the lights begin to dim. They take their seats towards the back, looking up at the dome of blackness. A woman begins to speak, introducing herself and then the nebula and the galaxy and the stars. They all appear above them in the darkened room, clustering and scattering, even brighter than Oikawa remembers.

Oikawa glances at Iwaizumi and stops when he sees his eyes looking back at him a smile spread across his lips. Oikawa’s cheeks flush and he leans away for a moment, averting his gaze then coming back to Iwaizumi’s green eyes. 

“The stars are up there Iwa-chan” Oikawa whispers, trying to tease him. 

“Shhh” Iwaizumi shushes him, as he’s said his real name again. His eyes grow deeper as the stars light up above them, reflecting off them. Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi’s hand squeeze his, and he grows closer. 

“Mine aren’t” He whispers and comes even closer, Oikawa, frozen in his seat. 

“Mine-” He tilts his head,

“Are right” Their eyes grow heavy and lidded. 

“Here” Oikawa can feel his breath warm on his skin, their lips closing the gap, pressing together in the dark, holding onto each other under the stars.         


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was SOOOO fun to write!! Hope you enjoyed my 3 days of focused writing! Thanks for Reading!!! Don't forget to leave Kudos!!!!
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> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading!!! Don't forget to leave Kudos!!!!
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> PLEASE COMMENT!!!!!! 
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> My Tumblr: http://paintbrushyy.tumblr.com/


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